I adore being a Mommy I really do. I love Little N more than I could have ever imagined and she brings so much joy and happiness to my life! We have so much fun and are busy creating memories all the time. She brings out the child in me! I know how these days are precious and I am trying to take everything in as best as I can, time just flies!
I am a stay at home Mommy as many of you already know. But you see whether you are a stay at home Mommy or a working Mommy I know we will have this feeling in common:
Feeling like 'The Invisible Mommy'.
We all work hard for our families. We are all striving to give them the best life we can! We over-think situations before they happen, planning ahead to try and make things run as smoothly as possible! We manage our homes and keep them clean and tidy, (isn't it just never ending)! We are doing all of this on practically no sleep, yet we keep on smiling because the little beaming faces in front of us remind us its all worth it! And it is! It really is! However there is an aspect of being a Mom that I wasn't quite expecting to bother me as much as it has.
Feeling like I am invisible.
There are a few things that happen here and there that stop me in my tracks and make me think I really am not being noticed or acknowledged here:
1. Meeting and Greeting
You know that look of excitement and happiness as you walk towards somebody. It could be a complete stranger or a family member. As you get closer and closer that eye contact becomes clearer, yes of course its the little one they are delighted to see and rightfully so. Family members kiss and hug them, ask them how they are, if they're having a good day, they remark on their lovely clothes and how much their hair has grown. Its all very sweet and we do love you making a fuss of our pride and joys. After the couple of minutes of questions, cuddles and compliments I decide to say Hello. Sometimes the person in question has already started walking off or if I am lucky I get "Hi ya" and off they go hand in hand with my little one. There I am left standing, alone.
2. When the other half arrives home
Its been a long day that started at 5.30am. Sometimes me and Little N go out for the day and have done something fun or it could have been one of them days where nothing went to plan. You know the 'tantrum city' days that just leave you stressed and drained.
His car pulls on the drive, inside I am relieved! Whether I have a fun story to share or something to offload. I go to the door. Just as I am about to speak Little N comes racing down the hallway "Daddy Daddy come and look! I've made a Panda out of purple playdough eating chocolate cake" she says squealing at the top of her lungs, as she drags Daddy into the living room past me.
They have an excitable conversation about how her creation is great, again comes all the lovely questions how are you? Have you had a good day? There's always a kiss and a hug, and again rightly so! I love these moments, they are special!
Daddy gets up, walks over to my direction before I speak BAM "Just going to get changed". The moment passes. He runs off upstairs and I didn't get to share the story I was waiting for the past 5 hours to share. Hmmm....
Oh the joys of cleaning. I don't actually mind doing it at the time but what does grate on my nerves is as soon as I blink (it seems), it needs doing again. I vacuum the dining room put the heavy hoover away and Little N comes running in from the garden leaving a trail of mud, grass and pebbles along the way. I clean the windows on the patio doors and Little N starts playing peek a boo with the cat pressing all her facial features into the glass. The freshly washed cushion covers I have just struggled to get back on become covered in bourbons and wotsits! The table that I finally got round to clearing, the other half walks in takes his tie off throws it on the table along with his laptop, work bag, lunchbox and he even kicks his shoes off and leaves them in the middle of the room. Ohhh come on, please work with me here!
4. Not being listening to.
I am asking Little N to do something, shes not listening and I am having to repeat myself a million times. Gosh this makes me feel like such a nag, but sometimes I feel like I am left with no other choice!
I could have told somebody something. At the time they seem all attentive and respond like they are taking in what I am saying then BAM they pop a question or a remark that indicates they wasn't listening one bit. I can explain things for several minutes to my other half and at times I can actually see my words going into one ear and pouring out the other.
How about when you go to share something and they completely cut you up and don't listen to what you have to say. So, so rude! I haven't had an adult conversation today yet, please just hear me out!
5. Not having my efforts noticed.
I don't do all the things I do to be noticed and praised. Of course I don't but sometimes when I really put my all into something it would be so lovely to just hear "that's looking great!" "oh I like what you have done there". These small remarks go such a long way to anybody! Jobs can be much trickier to complete working around delightful children too, so its a real achievement when you manage to succeed!
6. The Lonely Days
The days with little ones are long but the years are fast. That is so true! When Little N wakes up really early the day seems to go on and on and on. I can't win as some of these days I am clock watching longing for bedtime but I know soon enough I will be craving for these days to return. Sometimes I try to fill the day by going for a walk, we might go and feed the ducks, or climb fallen down trees at our local woodland. Just to see and appreciate that there are other people out there living too. Why is it on these days you don't see a soul. When you do your smiles often go unnoticed and your attempts at conversation with other Mommy's seem to fall flat. Another conversation about Danny Dog and Suzie Sheep with the little one it is!
They are little details, I know that but in some moments they can make me cringe, cry and even laugh! Some days they don't bother me one bit but other days I can be pretty touchy about them. I guess its all part and parcel of the joys of parenthood. I try not to take things to heart and focus on the positives. I read a book a while back called Mind Menu. It was great for getting prospective on life in general. In the book it reminds you that if situations wont matter in 5 years time to let them go. I do like to remind myself of this as I feel its a very valuable mind nurturing tactic.
On the days where these things make me teary eyed a kiss and cuddle from my 2 year old make me realize that everything really is worth it and maybe I am not so invisible after all!
So to the Mommy's out there who also at times feel invisible you are not alone! Keep your chin up, you're doing great! You are loved and you are valued.